


the meaning of love

by biochemprincess



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: 3+1, Gen, Interlude
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-10 12:14:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5585026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biochemprincess/pseuds/biochemprincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey slowly learns what family means. [Set before the last scene of TFA.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	the meaning of love

**Author's Note:**

> i chose the cheesiest title in the history of fic writing, i'm so sorry.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

> **i.**
> 
> watch, [verb]
> 
> to be alertly on the lookout, look attentively, or observe, as to see what comes, is done, or happens

 

 

Rey waits.

They have the full map now, the map leading to Luke Skywalker, but General Organa doesn't want to rush anything. She plans the mission with an efficiency Rey admires greatly.

And it's not only that.

The General commands and plans and _leads_ , despite the heavy aura of grief around her and the pain clouding her eyes. Leia Organa still stands and Rey would like nothing better than to help her, but she doesn't know how.

Rey also doesn't know what to do with her free time. And she has a lot of it. They give her food without expecting anything in exchange. They provide her with clothes without charging her a single credit.

It doesn't feel fair to take from them so freely, but they only smile at her and call her a hero. As if heroes don't need to make a contribution. It feels wrong to take advantage of them when they're so kind to her.

This is not the kind of person she is.

So Rey does what she does best. There are jets to be repaired and she stands next to the mechanics, muttering unsolicited advice under breath until one of them finally gives her tools and they let her work with them.

The familiar rhythm of work, the satisfying sound of the engines, it all reminds her of home. She knows that Jakku isn't something to call home, should never have been her home, but it's all she has ever known. Despite the harsh conditions, despite the heat and the sand and the loneliness, she finds herself missing it.

And while she waits for more details on her mission to find Luke, whiles she waits and waits for Finn to wake up, she watches the other inhabitants of the Resistance base.

They are a strange conglomerate of people, mixed together by their desire to do the right thing and their need to change the galaxy for the better. Their reasons for joining the Resistance are as various as their backgrounds and home planets.

It intrigues her, their behaviour, how they live together on so little space. During the shared meals or whenever she works on the the jets she watches them, how they treat each other. Questions arise in the back of her mind, but she files them away, for later, for never maybe.

Rey has more important things to think about now.

It's late in the night when the General finally calls for her.

"General Organa."

They haven't talked much since their return from the fight with her --- Kylo Ren. Something unspoken hovers between them, lurking in the shadows.

"Rey."

They stand across each, neither of them talking for a few moments.

"I want you to fly to the star system and talk to my brother."

All the air seems to leave the room, until Rey can hardly breathe anymore. "Why?"

"Because I think it should be you. His saber, it called for you. The Force has a reason, though it's not always clear."

Rey nods, not because she understands, but in an attempt to do anything. Her hands are fidgeting with the seam of her shirt. Leia stands and waits, while they are watching each other in expectantly.

"Will you accept?"

_The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead._

She has waited long enough. Now it is her turn to find answers.

"Yes."

 

 

> **ii.**
> 
> touch, [noun]
> 
> a coming into or being in contact

 

 

Rey ponders on who to ask about it for a while. It seems like a personal question and the whole matter puzzles her a little, even if she doesn't know why. She knows nobody here well enough to just go to anybody and blurt it out.

In the end she chooses Poe, simply because he spends as much of his time at Finn's bedside as she does. He appears to be an ideal candidate, he seems to know things. And her time is running out, the begin of her mission coming closer everyday.

With straightened spine and an expectant smile she awaits him when he comes to look after Finn. Rey can see that he knows something is up the moment he enters the room.

"Why do people touch each other?" Her question comes out far more quiet than she had intended. "So much I mean. Without reason."

It bothers her since her arrival, all the physical contact. Whenever somebody comes back from a mission, there are handshakes turning into hugs that last forever. The few kids she sees love to play tag, tugging at wrists and any tail of clothes they can get hold of. Mothers, kissing their children's head before they wriggle out of the embrace.

She doesn't know any of this herself and if she ever did she forgot.

Poe looks at her with interest, but remains silent. He doesn't laugh though, which is something she had expected, if Rey is honest with herself. It's a silly question.

"Do people on Jakku not touch?" He asks eventually. 

"Not that much. Handshakes after a successful trade, sometimes."

"Are there no families?"

"Very little. Only as small part is habitable. It's not a place for ---" She stumbles over her words. "It's not a place for children. Loved ones. You wouldn't want to have anyone there."

It had been a long time since she had last thought about herself as a child. Children didn't know how to live alone, shouldn't need to, but she had learned quickly. She had survived... The implied accusation of her parents' reasons for leaving her behind remain unspoken between them.

"Well, usually it's for comfort, especially if you are around people you trust." There is a knowing look on his face out of the sudden.

"So you've heard the story?" She asks almost meekly, hoping he hasn't but knowing he probably has.

Poe lets out a cheering laugh, grinning at her. Rey thinks she can make out tears in his eyes.

"You're talking about how you almost broke the nose of one the pilots, because he touched your shoulder unannounced? Sorry to be the one to tell you, but literally everybody knows about it by now."

"I thought he wanted to steal ---"

"Rey, ---" he softly interrupts her, "--- I know. No need to defend yourself. It won't happen again. He and nobody else will do that again. Trust me, I'm gonna make sure of that."

"I can handle myself alone, thank you." 

Her words mirror what she has told Han Solo not long ago and something in her heart stings, thousands of needles picking into tender flesh. His death flashes before her eyes again without warning, an unwanted reminder of her imminent mission.

_She must succeed - find and bring back Luke Skywalker._

"Oh, I don't question that." Poe says equally gentle and winks at her, as if he can sense her inner turmoil. "But where were we? Touching, right. It's a sign of belonging, an attempt to ground yourself. It's supposed to show love."

Rey knows love. She loves her flower and the home she has found on her own, repaired with her bare hands. She loves her parents - regardless - and all the blurred memories she has of living with them. She loves the stars illuminating dark nights and the mornings when she's up early enough to watch the sun rise. She is sure whatever she feels for BB-8 and Poe and Finn can be labeled love.

"I understand." She says, still unsure.

Poe extends his hand and closes it around hers. They are warm, soft. He's right, the physical contact is nice. It feels like electric sparks and there's the beating of a heart underneath skin. 

Grounding, seems indeed like the perfect description.

"Just tell me or anybody else to stop, if you don't feel comfortable. Break their nose, if they don't listen."

Rey smiles. "No, it's okay. I'm fine." She gives his hand a short squeeze. "And I'll remember that."

 

 

 

 

> **iii.**
> 
> friend, [noun]
> 
> a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard

 

 

"The boy probably hasn't anybody to hold his hand either, just like you." Poe says later, holding Finn's hand just as he always does. Rey's gaze darts towards from Poe to Finn and back again. 

He's right.

Finn has been forcibly taken way from his family. He is an orphan, like herself, with even less hope to ever reunite with his family. Anger seethes inside. She hates the First Order for what they do. Using little children, turning them into soldiers. 

Did he have any memories of them?

"What do we do?" Rey doesn't expect an answer. She sure as hell doesn't have one.

He surprised her when he does have an reply. "We wait. Until he decides to wake up. Hold his hand."

She takes his advice, mimicking his actions and wrapping her fingers around his wrist.

It doesn't feel like it's enough, like it's inadequate. Finn has been by her side through all of this, he came back for her when no one else before him did, and all she is doing is holding his hand.

But Poe is right. Just like her, Finn has never had anybody who cared for him, who was there for him when he needed it.

So Rey holds his hands while he sleeps.

And she talks.

The medical droids have told her that her he can hear them. So that's what Poe and she do, they talk.

Words don't come easy at first.

She hasn't needed to speak so much for years. Unkar Plutt and the other scavengers aren't one of the talkative kind. Her voice feels rough and unused, a strange sound to her own ears.

The timing is off, Rey notices. She had mostly talked to herself for a long time and it's --- different now. Now there are other dialogue partners to be considered, cues to notices, words to remember. She's getting better at it though, less awkward.

Poe talks about his missions and his friends, about the Resistance. Rey soaks it up like a sponge, especially those about flying. She doesn't have anything as interesting to tell, but she tells them stories she has invented for herself during her childhood or the treasures she has found on Jakku.

Sometimes Poe looks sad when he listens to her tales, all wide glassy eyes, like he wants to hug the years of loneliness away.

Sometimes he does.

A sense of belonging spreads through her whole being the more time she spends with. Imaginary roots growing out of her feet, connecting her with these people. There is a warmth inside her, a shining light burning as bright as thousand suns. She'd find them anywhere in the galaxy from now on, Rey knows.

It frightens her, but she will accept it.

_The Force, a voice in the back of her mind says._

_Love for my friends, she tells the voice._

 

 

> **(+iv.)**
> 
> kiss, [verb]
> 
> to express a thought, feeling, by a contact of the lips

 

 

Time flies at the speed of light. 

The Millennium Falcon is ready for their journey, just like she should be. Chewbacca and R2D2 are ready, waiting for her. She thinks they understand, Chewie sure does. She has to say goodbye. She couldn't live with herself if she didn't.

_Skywalker can wait this much longer, after all these years._

Poe wraps her in a tight hug and they only let go after Rey feels the now familiar warmth. He'd come with her, they both know without having to say it, but he has responsibilities and they need him here.

One of them has to keep an eye on Finn anyway.

Finn is still asleep, when she comes to bid farewell. They have moved his position slightly to tend his healing wounds again. It looks good for him, the medic units say. He'll wake up, they say.

Rey puts a kiss on his forehead, trying to fit the storm of emotions inside her in such a small, short gesture.

_Stay strong._

_Stay alive._

_Wake up._

_For Poe._

_For me._

_For you._

_I'll see you again._

 

* * *

  

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think about it! You can also find me @ mightyjemma.tumblr.com


End file.
